I was invited to be a speaker at a Women's Retreat in October, some months ago by a friend. At the time, I knew that I would most likely be speaking about the sexual abuse and molestation I endured throughout my childhood. This is the topic of my book Arrested Development: A Journey to Discovering Identity and Purpose, (#arresteddevelopment)(www.tenishiablester.com/product-page/arrested-development-paperback-book) so the speaking topic was no shock to me. Honestly, it was difficult writing the book itself, because I had to face and relive many things. There were events, that I had suppressed that came up, but I dealt with them in a healthy manner. I intentionally did not tell anyone that I was writing a book, because I did not want, nor need the naysayers in my ear. I did not need to be #shamed or guilted into not writing my story. At this point, I had reconciled that it was a God-ordained idea. An idea, in which I had to see to the end and that is what I did.
Fast forward to last week, when the founder of the ministry that is sponsoring the retreat (Broken Silence Ministries- Darlene Higgs-Hollis), stated that she wanted the speakers to do FB Live streams regarding their topics, I was okay with that at first. It wasn't until after the Live Stream yesterday, that I realized that while I had told my story in my book, this would be the first time that I gave details live on Social Media (SM). Up until this point, I had only made reference to my experiences. A new thought tried to settle in, as well as fear of knowing that "it's out there now."
When I began this journey, I knew that being and remaining silent would no longer be an option for me. I knew that I would have to Speak Loud...and be silent no more about the #childhoodsexualtrauma I endured from about 4-15 years of age. That thought came with many fears. I have been able to push past the fear and feel it as well, which I know is key. Emotions arise, but it is how we handle them that counts the most, so I was proud of myself.
As we matriculated through the FB Live, I felt a range of emotions as things were brought to my remembrance. I went from being fine, to angry, to emotional with sweaty eyes (yes, ya girl cried on a Live.) My heart literally breaks when I consider the number of women and men, boys and girls that have had to and may still be enduring #sexualtrauma. I wish that someone had been BOLD enough to speak out and tell of all the ramifications of being sexually traumatized. I wish there had been someone to give me understanding as to why my life felt stuck and I saw no way out. Well, they say "Be the change you want to see," and Change I shall be.
So, as I move through this journey of being a voice to those that do not have a voice, and giving language to those in the throws of sexual trauma with no answers, I VOW TO NOT ALLOW FEAR TO SILENCE MY VOICE! There is someone in need of the frequency of my voice; my voice is the catalyst for #change they have been waiting for. My voice holds the key to unlock the prison doors of #ArrestedDevelopment, to set them free. I will speak freely no matter who likes it. My voice frequency is not for everyone, but it is for Someone! That is the ONE, that matters to me.
Fear,Shame & Gulit will not silence me!